I watched as the fair skinned girl smoothed her blue-laced prayer garment over her head. Her tiny fingers rolled over the sides of her face, pushing in any stray hair as her forehead scrunched up in the immense concentration that the task at hand called for.

Finally satisfied with her work, she positioned her feet carefully, making sure that her toes point towards the direction of Mecca. And with a huge intake of air, the approximately 8 year old Eurasian girl threw her hands up in the air and folded her arms on her chest.

I smiled to myself as I watched her - back straightened like soldiers standing in line, her mouth dancing to the recitations in her head, eyebrows furrowed, deep in concentration. A chuckle would escape me as I caught her eyes darting to the corners, watching the people around her, trying hard to make her glances hidden. 

After a minute, she would raise her hands up again, and in a whoosh, do her ruku’ as if she was doing some stretching exercises; her fingers touched her toes. In the same breath she would throw her little body to the floor in a sujud, making time to scratch her back in between moves.

I shared a smile with the lady next to me who was watching the same scene. My gaze then trailed to the woman next to the little girl - a gorgeous Eurasian lady decked in a pretty light blue hijab. As I was just watching her, she turned to the Malay makcik on her right and asked, “What do the words in the Call to Prayer mean?”

Ah. It struck me then that she was most probably a recent revert to the religion, at the masjid to learn together with her daughter. I whispered a hamdalah whilst recalling the hadith:

Every child is born on Fitrah (natural disposition; or true faith of Islam to worship none but Allah), then his parents make him a Jew, a Christian or a Magian.

I then teared, wondering what my fate would be if I haven’t been born into a Muslim household, or if I was never introduced to Islam, or if I had never found my way back to the deen after abandoning it or…

And in the end, what’s left was only praises for Him, for His Mercy in our being a Muslim… Alhamdulillah ya Robb! :’)

The beeping and vibration from the desk pierced the silence of the night. I stole a quick look to the page number of the book in my hands, placed it on my side, and reached out for the phone.

“Abdullah Rayyan* is calling on Viber.”

My heart skipped a beat as my palm clenched the phone tight. The phone continued vibrating with my thumb hovering over the call button; my mind was racing, weighing the pros and cons, and finally as I held my breath, I greeted, “Assalamualaikum.”

He was caught by surprise; it was obvious from the tone of his voice. For months he has been trying to ask me out but was greeted with silence on my end due to my commitment to not date or contact any men prior to marriage - the calls and messages sent to me were countless, but the respond? Lukewarm.

“Waalaikumusalaam… Fadhilah?” He stuttered, caught of guard at the sound of my voice. I let out a silent laugh, “Yes, it’s me.” I could hear him smile from the other end, happy that I was finally responding to his approaches. From there, our conversation continued till late into the night. We laughed over stories, got to know one another, and honestly, I felt happy…

But at what costs? 

As I returned the phone to its rightful place, a small voice began to pull at the strings of my conscience. What right did I have to talk to him, just because I was feeling lonely? What right did I have just because everyone around is getting attached, engaged or even married and I felt like I was slowly losing all my friends one by one? What right did I have to break two years of my promise to myself just because I wanted someone to talk to and I was starting to feel left behind in the game?

I wasn’t feeling so happy then after I knew what I did was wrong. And I’m still not feeling happy now. I finally understood what it was meant that the happiness attained in the dunya is temporary, while the happiness attained in the hereafter is eternal. That few hours with him was happiness, but it was not lasting… as soon as the dial tone died, I was still feeling as I was prior, perhaps even worse, and I knew to feel the same happiness I would have to speak to him again.

I wanted to, my nafs wanted to, but instead, I decided to reach out for the Qur’an, making du’a that He counsel me as the situation I was in.

Alhamdulillah, He reminded me,

“… And [always] O you believers - all of you - turn unto God in repentance, so that you may attain to a happy state!” [Qur’an 24:31]

Happiness lies with Allah, Fadhilah. Happiness lies in the peace that one’s soul feels in doing what is right and leaving what is wrong in His eyes. Happiness is something that only Allah can place in our hearts, so unto Him should you seek happiness with. As Allah swt has reminded you a few verses later, do not care what others are doing or what they are saying, what matters is what you have between you and Him.

This is a promise that Allah has made to you, and Allah’s promises are true :) La tahzan, innallah ma’as sabireen <3

*not real name.

The tarbiyah of Allah is indeed a humbling experience. For some the lessons are learnt within days or even minutes, but for me, the thick hijab of ego and self-denial that I put on prevented me from seeing the reality of events unfolding before my eyes. I could see the dunya that I had leeched on so strongly to slowly peeling away, but in all my arrogance, I tried to hold on strongly, pulling with all my might, fists clenched tight trying to fight against the inevitable.

I thought that if I did all the things I had planned in my head, the dunya would eventually give up and return to where it was - in my heart - and yet in the struggle that left me exhausted, drained, emotionless for the past three months, I forgot three things: Nothing is mine; Allah’s plans are always better than mine; and when He has set His plan in motion, no force between the heavens and the earth can change its direction - like an unstoppable hurricane tearing through a seaside village.

What happened perhaps is too personal a story to share, too raw still for the parties involved. Not writing it down would make this story incomplete, but writing it down would mean reopening a healing wound. And at the moment, all I want is for the wound to heal for the gaping hole that exists distracts me from doing the things I need to do as a student. Let the wound heal with patience and with prayer, with time and space… it will never be the same again, but I am confident that it will be better than how it is now, biiznillah.

What I can share though is this: that in every event that happens in our life is a lesson to be learnt, one that Allah swt has arranged for us so perfectly at the exact moments of our life that we are best equipped to learn it. This is the meaning of “la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus’aha” - that no soul is given more that what it can handle.

The problem with man, with me, is that we tend to focus on our problems and even small trivial issues, when zoomed in on, look big. Thousands drown in the waters because they panic and struggle in an effort to stay afloat, but what they don’t realize is that Allah swt has equipped man with an innate inability to float on water if he would just relax. Likewise, we tend to isolate events and drown ourselves in seeking solutions to allow ourselves to breathe again, when all we need to do, is to relax and leave it to the natural state of things to bring us up again to the open sky; all we need to do is to leave it to Allah.

Submission to Him is to be content with all that He wills, to not resist, to place great faith that He gives us situations that are cut out perfectly for us such that we would come out of it a better servant. He did not create the trees, the sea, the sky, the sun, the moon, the animals, everything on this earth in submission to us for play… He did not create US in vain. He did not create us to torture us with neverending tests, to give us sadness and darkness. No. He created us here to return to Him. What else can be said for Him who deposited all that man needed on earth to live before creating man himself? He would likewise, in His mercy, present situations in our life only when He knows that we are equipped to handle them!

Often when faced with problems, we forget that the life we have here in this dunya is but a place where we are educated and nurtured by Him to prepare us for the paradise that wait ahead; coal does not become diamonds without extreme pressure over time and how is it possible for a piece of coal to be presented alongside a gallery of sparkling, priceless diamonds?

The point is, do not fight against Allah’s will, for events that pains us, that break us, that cause us to shed tears upon tears on our sajdah, are the best kind of events as they bring us closer to Him. At every point of time in life when we start to think of ourselves as Robb, like when we start subconciously thinking that WE had been the cause of some good, that certain people and things belong to US, that WE are in charge and in control of our lives, HE will throw a spanner in our plans and cause everything to go haywire (at least in OUR point of view)… not because of His wrath, but because of His mercy and His want for us to be reminded that WE are but His… everything is but His… and it is only in this understanding and act of total submission that we will finally be with Him.

Allahuakbar. Ighfirli, ya Robb.

I am writing once again, and perhaps this is an indication of a heart that is slowly rediscovering peace, alhamdulillah. I can only offer my thanks and prayers for the friends He has sent to hold my hands throughout the past three months, who withstood my deafening silence, my awkward words and actions, who saw me at my worst and yet refused to judge me, doing nothing but serve words of encouragement and of remembrance. Thank you for the many wet shoulders in the late nights, for the long conversations and smses, for being my mirror and letting me see who I really am. I pray that Allah swt rewards your sincerity in being friends with me with nothing but Jannah. Thank you for teaching me what ukhuwah really means.

One day I might forget this again but when I do, please remind me just like a friend did last night as the rain poured down in torrents over our heads, “Faddy, I guess you need to remember that nothing belongs to us, everything belongs to Him. Innalillahi wa innailaihirajiuun.” From Him we come and to Him we return. This is the objective of our lives - my life and yours… to return to Him in the best of states - diamonds emerging fresh from the tarbiyyah process.

All good is from Allah, and may He forgive me for the countless mistakes I’ve committed.

The soul still seeking peace.
Nur Fadhilah Wahid.

“Allah will never deprive a servant of something if that servant responds to it with resignation and patience. Allah will give him better than that He deprived it from.” [Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz]

Image Source: Solid.phase

I watched the mimosa leaf close as my finger gently caressed its sides. My gaze hovered over the green patch beneath me as the one mimosa leaf that I touched began to create a ripple effect; slowly, one by one, bumping into the leaves surrounding it, and they, the leaves surrounding them, until after a few seconds all the leaves within my view were closed.

And then it struck me how beautiful a metaphor it is that Allah has created for us in His creations… SubhanAllah :’)

As all of you reading this would already know, just a week back I put up an appeal on this blog for funds to contribute to the Braille Qur’an Project. My goal was, to me, realistically achievable - 35 people, $10 each, to waqf just one copy of the Braille Qur’an.

Fast forward to today, alhamdulillah we managed to pool together the total amount of SGD3,020 and RM520. That’s approximately ten copies of the Qur’an! Allahuakbar!!

How did it happen? Let us go back to the metaphor of the mimosa plant that Allah swt has given us…

You see, the basic fact is that as single individuals what we can offer is more often than not, limited. But what we forget too often is that Allah swt said in the Qur’an, 3:110

You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah…

We Muslims are the best nation (ummah)… which means that it is in our fitrah to not be an island, but instead to be bound together as a whole! And when we enjoin what is right, we do so not just by ourselves, but as an ummah! 

And this was exactly what had happened during the project, masyaAllah.

I, the single mimosa leaf, was surrounded by a limited number of people and could only reach a certain ceiling as to the amount that I could collect from them. But what I forgot at that point of time was that, my family, friends and tumblr readers, leaves surrounding me, too had leaves surrounding them, and those leaves had leaves surrounding them, and this fact just goes on and on until we reach the capacity of the people in this world! 

Allahuakbar wa la hawla wa la quwatta illa billah! Never underestimate the strength and reach of the Muslim Ummah if we all work together biznillah :)

To sum it up, in doing good deeds, be a mimosa leaf who calls to others to do the same. You are ONE mimosa leaf, but if everyone has the same mentality in enjoining what is good as an ummah, the next thing you know, the whole field will be full of closed mimosa leaves, insyaAllah :)

And lastly, I just though I’d share one of my favourite hadith,

Muslims in their caring, mercy, and support for each others, is like one body, when a part of it suffers from pain, the rest of it would suffer by a fever and sleeplessness.

:) Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.

May Allah swt accept all our deeds this past Ramadhan and multiply them manifold, and may He grant us the opportunity to meet the next Ramadhan… InsyaAllah.

Jazakumullah kheir to the many of you who contributed, and my many thanks for the number of you who pulled in the leaves surrounding you to contribute as well; this project wouldn’t have gotten anywhere if it was just me, biiznillah.

All good is from Allah, and the mistakes mine. Please accept my apologies for all my kedhaifan, and please make du’a for the ummah. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, everyone! <3

P/s. For those who missed this project, donations can still be made directly to BAPA here, insyaAllah!

Before I begin today’s entry, I would just like to give my sincerest thanks to all the fellow Singaporean tumblr peoples who stepped up to purchase the soaps from Palestine. May Allah bless each and every one of you, ameen! <3 Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah!

Image Source: Boston.

UPDATE 23/08/11, 2:26PM : SGD$720 Pledged! Alhamdulillah, we have pooled together enough for TWO braille Qur’an! Let’s see if we can waqf one more, biiznillah :)

As we find Ramadhan coming to a close and a bigger number of us see ourselves spending more time in the masjid, doing sujud after sujud on the intricate patterns of the carpet and reading more pages of the Qur’an in an effort to reap the gargantuan benefits found only during the last ten days of this blessed month, perhaps it is time that we take a breather and look to see if there is anything that we have forgotten.

The thing is, perhaps a great number of us in our du’as for forgiveness and wanting to be given the rezqi of iman, of ‘ilm, of wealth and health etc, have forgotten to actually be thankful, to have syukr, for all of the blessings that Allah swt has already given us.

In the first paragraph of this entry itself I have highlighted an example of just ONE of the blessings that almost all of us overlook on a daily basis - the gift of sight.

Without sight, we can never see the straight lines that automatically form, shoulder to shoulder, with just one verse, “Hayya ‘ala as-salah!”. Without sight, the beautiful designs on the carpet of the masjid would remain something etched perpetually only in our imagination, without any real confirmation to the reality of things. And most importantly, without sight, we would only be able to hear the beautiful miraculous verses of the Qur’an, with but a remote chance of reading it and reciting it ourselves.

When we are at our lowest, many of us just have to reach out to the countless Qur’ans lying around our house or in our iPads and iPhones to seek comforting words from Him… but how about our fellow Muslims who are blind?  

My dear sisters and brothers, do you realize that in Indonesia alone there are over 3 millions Muslims who are visually-handicapped and have no means to purchase a braille Qur’an (One braille Qur’an costs 1.5 million rupiahs)? And how can we forget our own Muslims in Singapore who too, have no access to the Book of Allah swt due to their disability? 

Project Waqf: Braille Qur’an from Nur Fadhilah on Vimeo.

My fellow tumblrs, BAPA is currently running a Waqf Project to purchase the Braille Qur’an for blind Muslims in Indonesia and Singapore and perhaps it is time that on top of the words of gratitude that wet our lips, we actually give up just a little of the money He has given us and share this immense blessing of being able to READ the Qur’an with those who are unable to do so.

As each set of a complete braille Qur’an costs SGD$350 which I understand is a big amount of most of us who are students, I was thinking that perhaps, if just 35 out of the 827 (that’s 4%!!)  followers of this tumblr were to donate just $10, we could all pool together enough funds to help a blind Muslim read the Qur’an, for the first time in his/her life... MasyaAllah.

For those who are interested to work together with me in this project, please drop me an email at fadhilah.wahid@gmail.com and insyaAllah once we reach 35 people who want to work together, I’ll elaborate further on the technicalities :) 

OR otherwise, you can also go directly to BAPA’s website (click!) for details on fund transfer, cheque, or-nets! :) Whichever way is good as long as the niyyah is the same, insyaAllah <3

Let us not be amongst those said in the Qur’an:-

And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind. They have hearts with which they do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, and they have ears with which they do not hear. Those are like livestock; rather, they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless. [Qur’an 7:179]

Abu Qataadah r.a. reported that Allaah’s Messenger s.a.w said:

“The best that a man can leave behind after his death are three things: a righteous child who makes du’aa for him, an ongoing sadaqah whose rewards continue to reach him, and a knowledge that continues to be implemented after him.” [Ibn Maajah]

Sadaqah AND knowledge, masyaAllah! Please help to spread the word! Jazakillah khayr :D

mosple:

englishhijabi:

The same thing happened outside Al-Rahma masjid here in Liverpool :)

That is just so sad. Just how much the media is manipulating the masses. Why out of the so many religion out there, they choose have a keen interest in ours? O.O

Reading stories like these remind me of an article I read that the West are truly keeping the Muslims heavily sedated with entertainment, with ‘politics’, with sports, with literal drugs and alcohol etc, just to numb the Muslim mind… because in effect, if Muslims were to wake up from their slumber and undertake their role as a khalifah, as a true slave of Allah swt, than truly no other power will be able to overcome us, insyaAllah.

If a hundred Muslim men can ward of armed peoples with just one Takbeer, how much power does 1 BILLION men and women of taqwa have? Enough to reclaim Palestine?

Allahuakbar, la hawla wa la quwatta illa billah!

Just how much longer are we going to let ourselves be trampled on?

(Source: salamseeker)

Image source: Boston.com

Finishing up the plate of roti kirai, a type of dish made from flour here in Singapore, I began walking to the masjid for my maghrib prayers. To my right and left, I saw many Muslims breaking their fast, slowly taking their time, laughing and swapping stories over piping hot dishes and chilled drinks. The man manning the payment counter was grinning, perhaps thinking about the money he made today charging these people for the buffet iftar.

Later on as the muezzin called out for Isya’ prayers to begin and the saf in the masjid began to form and tighten its ranks, the same group of people just outside were still laughing and chatting, turning a deaf ear to the muezzin’s reminder…

Sisters and brothers, we are almost halfway through the month of Ramadhan and I just thought it will be beneficial to remind myself, and all of us, this nugget of information so that we can at least strive to make the last two weeks of Ramadhan count if we have not been doing so for the time that has escaped our grasp.

I was browsing through facebook the other night and found my brother’s status update to read as such: “There is no use in fasting without prayer for your fast will not be accepted. Thus, please pray…”, and as I looking through the replies on his wall as well as looking at the activities of the general public, I was disheartened to find that many Muslims are actually abstaining from food and drink, without realizing that Allah has no use of their fast.

What do I mean by this? 

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Whoever does not give up forged speech and evil actions, Allah is not in need of his leaving his food and drink (i.e. Allah will not accept his fasting.)” [Hadith Bukhari]

My beloved sisters and brothers in Islam, please, reflect on the hadith above and strive to understand the meaning of your fasting, and straighten the niyyah of your fast. 

The bare fact, painful as it is to some, is that fasting (sawm) is the third (or fourth, according to other sources) pillar of Islam, while prayer (Salah) is the second pillar. In addition to the countless verses in the Qur’an highlighting the importance of prayer, the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. even goes on to explain that the one who abandons prayer is a kafir, a disbeliever! What use is the fasting of a disbeliever in the eyes of Allah swt?

‘That which differentiates us from the disbelievers and the hypocrites is our performance of Salah. He who abandons it becomes a disbeliever.’ [Hadith At-Tirmidhi]

Too many Muslims battle with the comfort of their mattresses every morning to get up for sahur, too many Muslims clutch their stomach by the afternoon as it groans and whimpers, too many Muslims place their feet on this earth with weariness as evening draws close, tired and exhausted… but too many Muslims too do not actually get around to perform their prayers during the day and during the night, thus making all the above physical sacrifices only to have it in vain.

Didn’t Allah already warn us of this matter?

Say, [O Muhammad], “Shall we [believers] inform you of the greatest losers as to [their] deeds? [They are] those whose effort is lost in worldly life, while they think that they are doing well in work.” [Qur’an 18:103-104]

Let us all use the remaining two weeks of Ramadhan to get closer to Allah; afterall, if we are not able to control our nafs in this month, what are the chances that we can do so during other months when our opposition, our nafs, is joined by the shayateen?

Kaab bin Ujra relates,” Prophet Mohammad s.a.w. said, “Come near to the mimbar.”. And we came near to the mimbar. When he ascended the first step of the mimbar he said “Ameen”. When he ascended the second step of the mimbar he said, “Ameen”. When he ascended the third step he said, “Ameen”. When he descended we said , “O Prophet Mohammad s.a.w., we have heard from you today something which we never heard before”.

He said, (When I ascended the first step) Jibreel a.s. appeared before me and said, “Woe to him who found the blessed month of Ramadan and let it pass by without gaining forgiveness” . Upon that I said, “Ameen” . When I ascended the second step, he said, “Woe to him before whom thy name is mentioned and then does not read durood on you” . I replied “Ameen” . When I ascended the third step he said, “Woe unto the person in whose presence both parents or one of them attain old age, and (through failure to serve them) is not allowed to enter Jannah.” I said “Ameen”.

Let us not be amongst the people who fail to reap the uncountable benefits of this Ramadhan - the people whom the Prophet s.a.w. has made du’a for woe to befall on them. Worse, let us no longer leave our prayers without any valid excuse, for in doing so, we are akin to disbelievers… Naudhubillah!

My beloved sisters and brothers, as I remind myself first before all of you, let us move our body to perform the Salah, before someone else has to move our (dead) body to perform Salah for us.

May the coming last two weeks of Ramadhan be beneficial, full of His mercy and forgiveness insyaAllah :)