Long story, but bear with me :)

Last night whilst watching Gossip Girl despite the fact that I had a paper looming ahead, I received a text message from one of my friends. It was close to midnight, and the fact that she asked if I could accompany her out of campus the day after rang bells in my head as she almost always never goes out of campus unless there was a need to. With the niyyah of hearing her out and thus InsyaAllah relieving whatever burden she was carrying, I gladly agreed to keep her company.

We met up after Dhur and went off to get some essential shopping done. Throughout the three hours we were out, feelings were poured out, stories were exchanged and much laughter was shared, and by the end of the evening, seeing her wide smile and normal zany self next to me made me feel like Alhamdulillah, perhaps the day out really helped her calm down and I felt extremely happy that I was able to share that moment with her.

Now this is where things got interesting.

The plan we made was to return to school, do our Asr prayers and head to the library to study for our respective papers. However, after wrapping up our Asr prayers, we both looked at each other and expressed our feelings of wanting to stay in the masjid instead. Alhamdulillah, as we sat there, we began to exchange ‘ilm related to Islam and Iman, and MasyaAllah, we spoke and spoke and shared opinions and stories, and by the end of Isya’ prayers, I felt like at the end of the whole day, I benefited more from the outing as opposed to her.

Thing is, my Imaan has been wavering lately; I had to force myself to pray, I found myself delaying my prayers, I was watching a million drama serials and movies, you know, things like that (kinda explains the lack of entries on this tumblr hehe). Despite this feeling of hopelessness, I always made du’a for Allah to somehow bring me back to the right path, to somehow wake me up and push me back to where I had lost myself.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has answered my du’a today. Truly my niyyah was to help my friend, but SubhanaAllah, it seems to me that Allah knew that it was me who needed her help, even though I myself, and she, didn’t know it as of yet :’) How beautiful the planning of Allah is!

The best part occured right before Maghrib prayers. After much discussion about repentance and my lamenting that I was sad about who I was before and wondering if Allah has accepted my repentence, my friend decided to read the Qur’an and practically forced me to read as well, even though all I wanted to do was listen to her read.

I took the Qur’an from the shelf, found myself a nice corner and read barely a few verses when I came across the verse “La Tahzan” - Don’t Be Sad. Seconds later, the azan was called and after Maghrib, I met up with my friend who beamed at me and said that during her few minutes wih the Qur’an, she read a verse that totally answered my question.

“But excepted shall be they that afterwards they repent and afterwards put themselves to right: for behold, God is much forgiving, a dispenser of grace.”

Let’s just say that at that point of time, I felt like my whole world was held by its ankles and shaken upside down; at that moment, I felt this sense of… dare I say, enlightenment?… Allahuakbar, you can’t describe the feeling in words!

So meanwhile whilst I slowly rebuild my imaan, I have deleted the 40Gb+ worth of entertainment stuff from my Mac :) Sometimes it is the small dunya things that we think are harmless that can actually cause of the detraction from the path to Allah swt. And truly, no amount of entertainment can ever override the feeling of serenity and happiness that lies with striving to gain the love of Allah swt.

May we all (myself first and foremost) be reminded, InsyaAllah :)

P/s. I love you because of Allah, and for Allah, ukthi sfs. May Allah reward you for all you have done for me :’)